Let me start this long lost blog post with the fact that I have been in such a weird season with the Lord. Not bad, not hard, just weird. If I had to use a word to summerize where I’ve been, it’s just plain and simple “apathetic” I guess. Whenever you’re going through something difficult (early stages of marriage, financial insecurities, those first few months of being a new parent) it’s easy to be hardcore seeking the Lord. When things are just normal, and honestly so great, it’s different. Don’t get me wrong, I am constantly praising the Lord and taking things to Him and aware of His presence, it’s just been a weird little season and different than any other one I’ve found myself in before.
This past weekend, we were in Memphis. And I prayed beforehand that He would use our time there to refuel us and draw us closer to Himself. And he did. And it was sweet. We went to THE coolest wedding I’ve ever attended. I was surrounded by such a variety of God’s beautifully created people, we ate delicious food unlike any that I’ve had before, and we worshiped in a language I couldn’t even begin to repeat if I tried. I sat in a service where a room full of young and old people all heard the Gospel preached and applied to us in the most tangible way I personally know– the ceremony of marriage. My sisters watched Judson, which meant Josh and I both (at the same time!!!) were able to actually talk with other adults. We had sweet, encouraging, biblical conversations without our attention being halfway on a toddler running around trying to knock down the wedding cake. Side note, the weekend before we went to a wedding which was fancy and wonderful with said toddler and he tried all night long to attack the 6 tiered cake.
The entire weekend reminded us why we love Memphis so much. It reminded us how much we love the city, the people there, and of course the BBQ. At the same time, it made us sad and long to rush through this last little season of being in Lexington because we are just so dang ready to be back. Let me add for my Lexington friends, I’m not hating. Lex is great, it’s just not for us. The Lord has provided us an awesome church, new sweet friends, and even a really wonderful Chinese restaurant that’s better than any of the ones I went to in Memphis. But it doesn’t lessen our desire for our move back home.
Of course, we had endless conversations this weekend over our plans for this upcoming season. Baby’s due in April and then we head to the beach in May for 3 months, oh yes I’m flying with two babies. Lounge for 3 months while Josh is on clinical and hit up Disney world a few weekends, oh yes I know it is so awesome. Well yeah, we are really unsure of what it looks like after that. Josh graduates in August and then has two weird months before his boards in Nov. where he needs to study and work some but he’ll only have a temp license which doesn’t work in TN. Living arrangements? Yeah who knows. Well, we want to buy a house but we have to wait until he passes his boards so we don’t know how long we’ll rent for or how any of it’ll work out. Or if we need to keep our townhouse in Lexington or just do storage in Memphis. Ohh no we don’t want to live with our parents for that long. Yeah my sister would let with us stay with her too but that’s a lot on her and us. Yada yada yada. The details were unknown yet we were doing our best to piece them together.
Let me back up though because this isn’t a conversation we haven’t already had a hundred times. So we have known from day 1 that we are about to walk into some craziness. We knew a year ago whenever we picked the beach for Josh’s last clincal that it came with the risk of us getting pregnant. We have known that we didn’t want to live in Lexington after graduation so at some point we’d be making a pretty big move. We just didn’t know how anything would play out. Somehow, from the beginning, we have been praying the Lord would fill us with peace as we see His provision in it all. Josh is the world’s biggest planner while I am “faith based” often to a fault. He needs to write all it out with bullet points and I’m just in the background chanting “ohhh the Lord always works it out, just wait and let’s see how” evoking panic and stress in my poor husband. Ladies, this is not loving your man well. This is not encouraging him in how he’s created. But somewhere in there, we usually find a happy medium.
Anywho, praise be to Jesus that he filled our mouths with these words, but our prayer every single night has been us begging the Lord to work out the details AND to show us His hand in what he’s doing at the same time. We have constantly surrendered it all to Him while simultaneously asking Him to allow us vision into His plan so that we are able to see how he’s working it out for His glory– no matter what it is that he’s doing. How sweet would it be for us, during a season of such unknown and insecurities, to be able to whole heartedly walk hand in hand with Him. Seems crazy right?
Flashback to our Memphis weekend. It’s done, we’re driving back, and Judson’s snoozing so we are chatting about how fun it all was and how ready we are to be back. We’re dreaming of the dinner parties, the friendships, the small groups. Just gotta have this baby, relax at the beach for a few months, graduate, and by then all the details will have fallen into place and somehow we will have ended up back down south. We don’t know much, but that much we “knew.” Right.
Then we get a message saying that our free housing for the summer at the beach is no longer available for us. Well crap. Y’all know we are ballin on a budget and can’t afford double rent. The only way we were able to take this clinical was because we had free housing. Of course we were confused and disappointed and started to get a little bit stressed. These clinicals have been picked for almost a year now which means there’s nothing left in Lexington for sure. What does that even mean for us? We sure as heck can’t afford to go down to the beach still.
We started chatting over the possible options, thinking through how it could all play out. We talked through our fears of why this was happening– was Elliot going to be born with some set of complications and the Lord was saving us from having to deal with that at the same time as we were supposed to leave for the beach? We were able to talk openly about our sin and misguided views of who God is– it’s hard not to see Him like a “mean father” punishing you or taking good things away from you in times of loss. We were able to pray and encourage one another to trust the Lord in this and wait to see what He’s working out for us. We knew it had reason and purpose, we knew it would play out better for us in the long run, we truly had such a sweet sense of trust and security in the Lord even though we were confused.
At some point, we started thinking that maybe we could take this last rotation in Memphis. This would mean Josh could look for a job and even interview during the summer. This would mean we wouldn’t have to keep our house here in Lexington while traveling down to Memphis every week looking for a job and a house or paying double rent or paying for storage or whatever else crazy that we were going to have to work out during this transitional time period. This would mean that we’d get to be in Memphis 6 months sooner than we have been planning this whole time. Also, it would allow for Josh to learn the TN Physical Therapy ins and outs before he took his boards. The positive details just kept rolling in. Of course, it’s so hard not to make your own plans and try to fix it all yourself in these types of situations. You want to be wise and proactive, but not “play God” in it all. So we prayed. And asked some friends to pray and waited to see what Josh could find out the next day at school trying to have faith while not getting our hopes up or minds too set on our new plans.
Thankfully, the PT folks at school were super nice and super understanding with us needing a clincal change. Apparently this happens more than you’d think. Since all the Lexington locations were full and because Josh needs an out of state rotation anyway, they were totally on board with setting up a Memphis clinical. They had a connection with a site and we just had to wait and see if they could still accept a student.
And guess what you guys, they can!!!! Sooooooo as of right now (because hey man’s plans are always failing) we are set to take Josh’s last clincal in Memphis!
We. Are. Moving. To. Memphis. In. May.
Lord willing, that is! And we are pumped!! We are still so unsure of most of the details (like a place to rent so y’all keep your eyes open for us!!!) but like we’ve been praying from the beginning, we are seeing the Lord’s glory in His never ending provision. We are so thankful that He has opened our eyes to the details and allowed us to find peace in Him. I write this knowing that tomorrow everything could be so different. That’s hard for me. But I’m going to keep handing it over to the Lord and trusting Him. Which even that trust is because of Him. I know that without His Spirit in me, I’d be a crumbling mess of fear and anxiety.
It’s so funny to look over it all and see that He has so graciously been answering our prayers all along. It’s truley just plain sweet to see Him actively loving and pursuing me, even in the midst of me being so apathic towards my relationship with Him. I can’t even begin to imagine (or remember) walking through life without the joy and comfort the Gospel brings. I am so thankful that I can end this post knowing that I serve a big God who loves me enough to work out these details even though my time here on this earth is limited. Even though I will spend eternity worshiping Him and probably never even thinking about Memphis BBQ, he keeps givings me sweet gifts in the here and now which allow me a glimpse into that future goodness and total fulfillment that I will only get through Him.